yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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