i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
