uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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