john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I just sharted jello shots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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