It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
