You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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