literally had 100 drinks last night.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
