I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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