sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
