The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
