I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...