Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
