he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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