hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
