I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
50% drunk capacity currently
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
