You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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