I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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