So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
