that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
