He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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