Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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