Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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