end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
