i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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