You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
