just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
