More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
