Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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