i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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