I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
