my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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