did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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