Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
