We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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