Screwed.edu
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
