I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
whose ass print is on the piano?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
