I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
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note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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