dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
