Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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