Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize