we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
