you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
