So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
