true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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