wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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