That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
