I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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