Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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