when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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