i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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