I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
