I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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