I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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