these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
