If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if only i could text you this smell
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
