i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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