The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
