If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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