So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
