her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
