god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
