If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
