I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
