Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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