ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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