Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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