Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
