6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
