I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
